We took a trip to Salt Lake City, stopping in Kaysville on the way. When we went to the cemetery, we found that Daniel's grave marker had been set. It looked quite freshly done.
As we sat there, the names of our two children carved in stone before us, we stopped to wonder. Is this really our life? Can this be happening? I couldn't stop the thought, my babies' bodies are down there...
I have to say I also considered how much strength we have been given by the Lord Jesus Christ and His gospel. Because we fully believe His teachings that death is not the end, we know that our children are not gone.
We know that their bodies are dead, but their spirits live on as part of our family forever. Nothing can take them away from us but our own disobedience. This drives us to do and be our best every single day. It drives us to lean more heavily on the arm of God than we ever have before.
So we carry on.
It's amazing a heart can still beat with so heavy a burden upon it, but here we are. I cannot fathom the pain that would come if we didn't have faith in the gospel.
Silver lining: we are SO grateful that we got side-by-side grave sites for them.
In Salt Lake, we went to the Ronald McDonald House to donate our pop tabs. Davis' co-workers contributed significant amounts, as well as other family and friends. Thank you all for helping us with this! It's a small thing, but it makes a difference - to us and to the families who use the RMHC facilities.
Together we donated roughly 34,538 pop tabs, weighing in at over 20 pounds! RMHC will be able to recycle these pop tabs as a source of funding for the charity.
If you haven't started already, collecting these tabs is a simple, cost-free way to contribute to your community and impact the lives of families with sick children.
One final thought: I came across a poem a while ago which resonated with both of us. It is called 'Ugly Shoes' and I want to share it to promote understanding of life with grief, and compassion between us all.
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
Nobody deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger human.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a parent who has lost a child.
Author unknown
