"Le Perfection est Ennuyante"

Ah, wisdom from a shampoo bottle...:)

About 2 weeks ago, I visited a counselor on campus (Yes, a real, live, actual counselor). 

Since my first miscarriage in June, I had been dealing with anxiety thoughts and mild to moderate anxiety attacks for the first time in my life. I felt that my world had somewhat shattered - life had never looked so fragile as those days and weeks after the event. So I called the counseling center and finally made it through the waitlist to be seen. 

By the time the appointment rolled around, I had actually been doing a lot better, but decided to go through with it anyway - who knows, maybe I'd still learn something. 

Throughout the visit, several times the thought would cross my mind, 'Huh, well God already taught me that one'. By the end of the visit, I had learned a few little things to add to my memory bank of mental/emotional wellness, but most of what was said, I felt I had already been taught by God's careful hand. Now, I don't mean any offense to this counselor. A first visit is hardly a time to be making judgments. What did strike me though, in talking about the situation, why I was there (it seemed like so long ago...) was just how much  I had learned! Yes, I did recognize as the time went by that I was learning things, and I could practically hear the direct instruction from on High. But it was striking to make that realization in contrast to where I had been. 

The past few months I have really been trying to learn as much as I can about mental wellness, positive energy, nutrition and health, and overall wellness. I found a ton of great resources and information! After a while, though, I got so full of information and lists of  'do's' that it was starting to cause me mental anxiety again! So many things to do, supposed to buy these great foods and have time to cook and money to buy things with but I barely have time to get my homework done how am I supposed to do all this oh my gosh now I'm going to get sick....it's a pretty vicious thought pattern. But then I realized what was going on. 

And so, the title of this post comes into play. I was showering one day, as I sometimes do, and spacing out while 'reading' the back of my shampoo bottle. Then the phrase caught my curiosity. 'Le Perfection est Ennuyante'. I don't speak ( or read ) French, but I had a hunch that it would translate roughly to 'perfection is annoying'. I checked with my sister, who studies French, and she confirmed my hunch. I thought about that, and I decided to add it to my list of mottos. Just like the popular song from 'Frozen' ;) Let it go! Do what you can and don't worry about it! Just live life and bring in all the positivity that you can. Life is too short to waste on worrying. Yes, we need to make smart, informed decisions; but not stress over them! 

I guess I'm not totally sure where I wanted to go with this random train of thoughts, but if nothing else, remember the wisdom from a shampoo bottle: 'Le Perfection est Ennuyante'!

A Jog in the Park

Yesterday I went for a jog in the park. As a teenager, I used to go jog 'the back road' almost every day for years. Running had become somewhat a form of mediation for me, but the past year or so I have struggled to get back into the habit. Finally, this week I discovered a chunk of time every other morning that I could dedicate to a short morning jog, and I almost met my goal of 3 times a week.

Why I'm writing about jogging in the park is because as my mind was drifting back to my teenage years, and how good it felt to be running again, I noticed something. When I would reach the uphill part of my route, and I began to tire quickly, I noticed that I tend to look at the ground directly in front of me rather than a distant goal. I know that this seems contrary to the ‘keep your eye on the goal’ philosophy, but somehow, focusing on where I was right then made it easier to keep going.

As this thought finished, the words from a beloved hymn floated through my mind:

"Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene - one step enough for me

...

I loved to choose and see my path; but now,

  Lead Thou me on!"

(Hymn # 97, Lead, Kindly Light)

  Sometimes, from where we are in life, we can't see the distance. We can't look ahead because it's unclear, and it's dark and we get scared. We get anxious just thinking about the future because we can’t see it- it’s out of our control and not going the way that we had planned! I still feel that way (a lot more than I should), but realizing that one step is indeed enough has helped me to free myself from unnecessary fears, concerns, and the need for control over my life. 

  My heart is on the goal - bringing myself and our family (whatever size it may be) back to the Lord's presence clean and pure - but my eyes, for now, are on the present. I don't need to know the details. I do not need to know why. What I do need to know and remember is that not only is it my goal and our goal to be worthy of eternal life, but it is the Lord's goal as well (see Moses 1:39) - and God does not fail! 

Golden Stitches (or Snitches...)

Life can be awful frustrating at times.

As a child, I thought that meant we had to do chores around the house. As a teenager I thought it meant that our family of six had to share a single vehicle - when four of us had jobs at different places in town. Now, as a married young adult, I am learning that life is a big scary mess; but it is held together by beautiful, soul-enriching moments; golden stitches if you will.

This blog is something I felt I needed to do. I need to tell our story; as much for my own sanity and understanding as anything. So much has happened in the past year of our lives, it's got to make a great story someday!

I really believe that the most beautiful stories are painted with a wide variety of colors - sometimes full of colorful patterns, and sometimes large patches of dark, accented by streaks of bright. So this is my attempt to capture my story - our story - in a way that all of the beautiful colors and textures can be seen as a whole piece of artwork - touched by the Master's hand.

"Life is but a Weaving" (The Tapestry Poem)

"My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Oft'times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him."

-Corrie ten Boom