October

October was always my favorite month. Not only because it is my birthday month, but because of the beautiful fall colors and smells; the crisp wind that blows crunchy leaves to the ground, and the feeling of cozy contentment that excited my senses.

Then, our baby girl was due to be born in October. We would share a birthday month, and all the joys of the autumn season together. The season would be made ever sweeter by the event of her birth. We so looked forward to her coming.

Now here we are, at the point where she could have joined us, as a healthy, strong baby girl. So much has changed. But you know what is sweet about it? I still love autumn, and I forever will. Because now the crisp wind will also bring with it a remembrance of our one short week with Aubrey. Though she was actually born in the month of August, October will still hold a special charm for me.

Every time I catch myself thinking, 'this is not how it was supposed to be! This is not how nature intended things to go-!', the thought immediately follows - 'But this is how God intended it to be.' For the longest time, that did not bring me much comfort at all. But as I have continued  through the grieving process and my heart has begun to recover trust and faith, I now find great peace in that thought. This is how God intended it to be. I do not know why, and I don't understand, but I am so grateful to have met Aubrey, and I trust that He knows what He is doing.

Her love is so strong I can still feel it whenever I think of her, and as empty and painful as the days become without her, there is always underlying peace in knowing that she is not lost, but waiting. All is as it should be.

I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ will return soon and restore our family; but, until then, we'll be missing you.